Unlike most people, I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth. No siree! Instead I was born with a rusty fucking shovel up my asshole! I take zero pride in it, but God dammit I want spare change for it! Hey, at least I provide some very good laughs for very free, so cut me some slack, would ya? Besides, I’m not asking for much—just enough to help me get some smokes, booze, {cough} crack {cough} and rubbers. You know, the basics. Hell, even if it’s just a few cents, I’ll take what I can get.

Besides, beggars can’t be choosers, right? Come to think of it actually, that’s exactly what separates us both. That’s why I get a rusty shovel up my ass and you get a silver spoon in your mouth—because unlike me, you’re a chooser. You get to make choices in life, like choosing to spare some change whenever you come across a bum on the street or on the Internet. Hey, speaking of which…